Naval
Dictionary
Warning
The content of this site is devoted to serving and ex
members of the Royal Navy, who by definition are aged 16 or above. It is
not however, endorsed in any way by the Ministry of Defence. The content
of the site does not express any of my personal views in any way. I am not
homophobic, sexist or racist in any way.
You have been warned. If you do find it offensive,
then please do not feel free to complain to me as you have been given
plenty of warning.
Despite what Hollywood claims in the film U-571, the Germans'
wartime Enigma code machine was actually captured in a British
operation involving HMS Bulldog and HMS Aubretia in May 1941 - six
months before the USA joined World War 2. |
When World War II began, the U.S. government declared platinum as a
strategic metal and its use in non-military applications, including
jewelry was disallowed. To appease consumers who preferred
platinum's white luster, gold was substituted in platinum's absence. |
During World War II, a German U-boat was sunk by a truck. The U-boat
in question attacked a convoy in the Atlantic and then rose to see
the effect. The merchant ship it sank had material strapped to its
deck including a fleet of trucks, one of which was thrown in the air
by the explosion, landing on the U-boat and breaking its back. |
In a poll taken during World War II, Americans rated Jews four times
less favorably than Germans or Japanese (both whom they were
fighting the war against). |
The British Royal family are 100% German in origin; their original
name was the House of Saxe-Coberg-Gothe. At the outbreak of World
War II, they had to 'de-Germanize' themselves for fear of losing the
throne. The name 'Windsor' was substituted, and was taken from one
of the monarch's castles. Queen Elizabeth II even had a cousin
tried, and found guilty, at Nuremberg for war crimes. |
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The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during World War
II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.
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Here’s
how to recapture the atmosphere of the good old days &
simulate living onboard ship once more !
| 1 |
Build
a shelf in the top of your wardrobe and sleep on it inside a
small sleeping bag |
| 2 |
Remove
the wardrobe door and replace it with a curtain that’s too
small |
| 3 |
Wash
your underwear every night in a bucket, then hang it over the
water pipes to dry |
| 4 |
Four
hours after you go to bed, have your wife whip open the curtain,
shire a torch in your eyes and say, “Sorry Mate”. |
| 5 |
Renovate
your bathroom. Build a wall across the center of your bath and
move the shower head to chest level. Store beer barrels in the
shower enclosure. |
| 6 |
When
you shower, remember to turn the water off while you soap |
| 7 |
Every
time there is a thunderstorm, sit in a wobbly rocking chair and
rock as hard as you can until you are sick !!. |
| 8 |
Put
oil instead of water into a humidifier and then set it to high. |
| 9 |
Don’t
watch TV, except for movies in the middle of the night. For
added realism, have your family vote for which movie they want
to see, then select a different one. |
| 10 |
Leave
a lawnmower running in your living room 24 hours a day to
re-create the proper noise levels. (Mandatory for engineers) |
| 11 |
Have
a paper-boy cut your hair. |
| 12 |
Once
a week blow compressed air up through your chimney. Ensure that
the wind carries the soot over onto your neighbours house. When
he complains, laugh at him |
| 13 |
Buy
a rubbish compactor, and use it once per week. Store up your
rubbish in the other side of the bath. |
| 14 |
Wake
up every night at midnight and make a sandwich out of any thing
you can find, preferably using stale bread. Optional – cold
soup or ravioli out of a can. |
| 15 |
Devise
menus for your family a week in advance without looking in the
larder or fridge. |
| 16 |
Set
your alarm clock to go off at random times through out the
night, when it goes off, leap out of bed, get dressed as fast as
you can and then run into the garden and break out the garden
hose. |
| 17 |
Once
a month, take every major household appliance completely apart
then re-assemble. |
| 18 |
Use
four spoons of coffee per cup, and allow to sit for three hours
before drinking. |
| 19 |
Invite
about 85 people who you don’t like to come and stay for a
month. |
| 20 |
Install
a small fluorescent light under your coffee table, then lie
underneath it to read books. |
| 21 |
Raise
the threshold and lower the top sills of all the doors in your
house. Now you will always either hit your head or skin your
shins when passing through them. |
| 22 |
When
baking cakes, prop up one side of the tin whilst it is in the
oven. When it has cooled spread icing really thickly on one side
to level it out again. |
| 23 |
Every
so often, throw your cat in the bath and shout, “man
overboard”. Then run into the kitchen and sweep all the dishes
and pans onto the floor whilst yelling at your wife for not
having secured for sea |
| 24 |
Put
on the headphones of your stereo, do not plug them in. Go and
stand in front of the dishwasher. Say to nobody in particular,
“dishwasher manned and ready Sir”. Stand there for three or
four hours. Say once, again to nobody in particular,
“dishwasher secured”. Remove the headphones, roll up the
cord and put them away. |
| 25 |
Nickname
your favourite shoes “steamies”, then get your children to
hide them around the house on a random basis. |
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Farewell
to a real
Jack Tar......
The
traditional male sailor was not defined by his looks. He was defined by
his attitude; his name was Jack Tar. He was a happy go lucky sort of a
bloke; he took the good times with the bad.
He
didn't cry victimization, bastardisation, discrimination or for his mum
when things didn't go his way.
He took responsibility for his own, sometimes, self-destructive actions.
He loved a laugh at anything or anybody. Rank, gender, race, creed or
behaviour, it didn't matter to Jack, he would take the piss out of anyone,
including himself. If someone took it out of him he didn't get offended;
it was a natural part of life. If he offended someone else, so be it. Free
from many of the rules of polite society, Jack's manners were somewhat
rough. His ability to swear was legendary.
He would stand up for his mates. Jack was extravagant with his support to
those he thought needed it. He may have been right or wrong, but that
didn't matter. Jack's mate was one of the luckiest people alive.
Jack loved women. He loved to chase them to the ends of the earth and
sometimes he even caught one. (Less often than he would have you believe
though) His tales of the chase and its conclusion win or lose, is the
stuff of legends.
Jack's favourite drink was beer, and he could drink it like a fish. His
actions when inebriated would, on occasion, land him in trouble. But, he
took it on the chin, did his punishment and then went and did it all
again.
Jack loved his job. He took an immense pride in what he did. His radar was
always the best in the fleet. His engines always worked better than anyone
else's. His eyes could spot a contact before anyone else's and shoot at it
first. It was a matter of personal pride. Jack was the consummate
professional when he was at work and sober.
He was a bit like a mischievous child. He had a gleam in his eye and a
larger than life outlook.
He was as rough as guts. You had to be pig headed and thick skinned to
survive. He worked hard and played hard. His masters tut-tutted at some of
his more exuberant expressions of joie de vivre, and the occasional bout
of number 9's or stoppage let him know where his limits were.
The late 20th Century and on, has seen the demise of Jack. The workplace
no longer echoes with ribald comment and bawdy tales. Someone is sure to
take offence. Where as, those stories of daring do and ingenuity in the
face of adversity, usually whilst pissed, lack the audacity of the past.
A wicked sense of humour is now a liability, rather than a necessity. Jack
has been socially engineered out of existence. What was once normal is now
offensive. Denting someone else's over inflated opinion of their own self
worth is now a crime.
And
so a culture dies...
Thank
god that they cant take the memories away as quick as they want to take
away the traditions. memories live on in all of us and the reunions bring
out the best of them keep up the good work lads (and ladies)
I
was going to add a traditional naval page of sayings but another naval web
site has been threatened and had to remove theirs on the grounds it maybe
racist and defamatory . here
are their comments
There
are many references that are of a sexist, racist, and possibly illegal
nature. As you are aware this is not behaviour we tolerate in today’s
Royal Navy and would therefore like you to remove this dictionary at once.
Whilst humour is always good, and I am sure your pages are
well received, we cannot tolerate such material on your site. I must
request that you remove the dictionary (or at the very least all
references which are of a sexist, racist and illegal nature). there would
be nothing left of it
What next swap the white ensign for the peace brigades
emblem or the girl guides flag. for gods sake we are adults and we do know
the difference between tradition and political correctness. after all you
pen pushing desk jockey's could only let your hair down when you had us to
lead you astray. and as there is no comment about gronk boards, I bet most
of their wives have appeared on one.
Very
many thanks. to a paper pushing deskbound based moron, who I doubt has
even seen a ship. let alone served on one
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