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What is a Sailor?

Between the security of childhood and the insecurity of second childhood we find a fascinating group of humanity called sailors. They come in all assorted sizes, weights and sobriety. They can be found anywhere, on ships at sea, in shore bases, in bars, in love and always in debt. Girls love them, towns tolerate them and the government support them. A sailor is laziness with a pack of cards, bravery with X tattooed arms and the protector of the sea with a copy of ‘Men Only’.

They have the energy of a turtle, the slyness of a fox, the brains of an idiot, the stories of a sea captain, the sincerity of a liar and aspirations of a Casanova, and when he wants something it is usually connected with a request form.

Some of his interests are;

· Women
· Dames
· Girls
· Females
· Opposite sex

He dislikes answering letters, wearing his uniform Pussers style, the ‘old man’, the ‘Jimmy’, officers, Pusser’s grub and ‘Call the hands’.

No one else can cram into one small pocket;

· A little green book
· A packet of crushed Players
· A picture of his girl
· A comb
· An old ‘station card’
· What’s left of his last fortnight’s pay

He likes to spend some of his money on girls, some on beer, some on poker and the rest foolishly.

A sailor is a magic creature; you can lock him out of your home but not your heart. You can scratch him off your mail list but not off your mind.

His is your long away from home love and your one and only bleary-eyed good-for-nothing bundle of worries, but all your shattered dreams become insignificant when your sailor docks, looks at you with those bloodshot bleary eyes and says - “Hiya Honey”.

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CCY's Inspection

The Proud CCY was surveying his bunch of new recruits. They were the best class he had ever had except for one, who shall remain nameless, but we shall call him Smiff (two ff's second one silent).

"How long have you been in the RN Smith?" enquired the CCY.

"Three Months" Smith replied proudly.

The CCY retorted "How did you manage to get that No 8 shirt so dirty in only three months Smith?"

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Navy Days

Smallie boy at Navy Days.

"Are you a sailor mister?"

"Sure am son", came the reply

"When I grow up I'm going to be a sailor too"

"You can do one or the other son, but not both!" came the laconic reply.

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